Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just threw up on my dentist
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack