On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?