Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

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(215): I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone http://tfl.nu/geen

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(310): View more from California

so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

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(310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm

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(973): View more from New Jersey

you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

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(973): you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere. http://tfl.nu/70ri

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(206): View more from Washington

After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

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(206): After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team. http://tfl.nu/bf8i

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard

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(484): we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/y3gw

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(615): View more from Tennessee

It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.

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(615): It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/pvsa

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(604): View more from British Columbia

He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

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(604): He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face. http://tfl.nu/1cal

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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(615): I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/xkmh

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.

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(814): Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one. http://tfl.nu/o44o

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this

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(406): I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this http://tfl.nu/2qka

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(785): View more from Kansas

They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.

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(785): They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon. http://tfl.nu/wb9r

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(919): View more from North Carolina

That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry

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(919): That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry http://tfl.nu/76an

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(904): View more from Florida

Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.

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(904): Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/2f4k

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(402): View more from Nebraska

YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN

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(402): YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN http://tfl.nu/z672

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(516): View more from New York

No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.

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(516): No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it. http://tfl.nu/ephi

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