I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
