I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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