I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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