the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
