doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
