Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
