You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
