guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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