Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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