The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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