if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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