they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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