this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My dick has a subreddit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
