I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize