dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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