They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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