I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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