Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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