I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
