so explain again why im purple
no
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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