Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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