Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
