I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
