I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
