Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize