You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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