So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
