You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
