You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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