i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
