I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
