you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
