please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
