I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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