i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
