My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
