I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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