the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
