I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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