I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
