you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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