Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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