got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
smell my finger.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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