Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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