and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
