My first STD was from a foam party
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
