my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
