Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
