the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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