what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
