Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
