Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
