I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize