Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
