We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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