This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pooping to opera.
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