I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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