Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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