Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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