he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
