you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
