then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
