You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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