could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
