Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
