Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
