he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
